KATV ARKANSAS had an interesting article on youth and social circles.  Thought as a parent you might find this helpful / imsightful

Figuring out friendships is all part of growing up. By the time kids are in middle school some of those friendships have turned into cliques. It’s no coincidence that cliques start to emerge during adolescence. It’s a time developmentally when children start to pull away from their own families and start to identify more with their friends. The movie “Mean Girls” revolves around the theme of cliques in school. The characters show a new student the layout of the cliques. “This map shows the school’s central nervous system, the cafeteria. You’ve got your cool Asians, burnouts, jocks, the greatest people you’ll ever meet and the worst,” points out Janis Ian. It’s a cliché in the movies, but it isn’t far at all from real life. Just ask these 7th and 8th graders at Forest Heights Middle School. “People, so they won’t be alone, they’ll just join cliques because they’ll want to feel like they fit in, even when they really don’t,” said eighth grader Monserrat Barrera. “I think they’re trying to be popular,” said seventh grader Jasmine Richardson. “Kids, all they care about is shoes, clothes, jewelry and all of that. They don’t care about anything educational.” “They’ll pretty much do anything to be popular,” agreed eighth grader Michael Leiterman. The pursuit of popularity fuels much of the cliquish behavior in both middle and high school. Problems occur when certain kids are accepted but others are left out. Martha Christie, school counselor at Forest Heights sees it every day. “As teachers and administrators, we can’t control who children will let in. We can encourage to be open minded. We can encourage children to be welcoming but just like we can’t make adults pick their friends, we can’t really do that with our students.” There are some things parents can do to help. -Be active in planning outings or events where your kids can strengthen their relationships. -Keep your kids involved in activities that make them feel good about themselves. -Teach your children to think for themselves and talk about not being afraid to be independent. -Encourage your kids to keep their social circles open. -Be there to talk and to listen to your kids. “If they see you living as an example to them of how you want them to live, they do get it. Your actions will speak louder than your words. Remember that, but do listen,” said Christie. Another tool for survival is to help your kids identify friends with similar values and goals. Doing so helps insulate them from the pressure of changing their core beliefs just to fit in. “You should just stay true to yourself and make sure you stay around people that you trust because that will help you in a lot of ways,” advised Jasmine. “Be yourself, find the people that you’re like and don’t change your ways just to be included,” said Michael. “There’s always going to be someone that’s like you. You’ll find that person.” If you see your child struggling to fit in at school, experts say it helps if they have an activity outside of school such as a sport, club or church group where they can have a separate social circle.

Parents of teenagers may think that their words of wisdom fall on seemingly iPod deafened adolescent ears, but according to researchers at Brigham Young University in Provo, parenting style matters a great deal – and parents using an authoritative parenting style do a great deal to protect their kids from the dangers of binge drinking.

To determine this, the researchers surveyed almost 5000 teens, from the ages of 12 to 19, about their drinking history and their relationship with their parents.

They compared 3 distinct types of parenting styles to drinking outcomes: authoritative (intensive monitoring of behaviors and a warm relationship) permissive (a warm relationship with low levels of monitoring) and strict (very tight monitoring but little warmth. They found that:

Teens brought up in homes with permissive parents were 3 times more likely to binge drink than teens from authoritative households.
Teens living in homes with strict parents were twice as likely as teens with authoritative parents to binge drink.
Teens who attended religious services or ranked religion as important in the survey were less likely to try alcohol at all.
The researchers say that although teens from households with differing parenting styles are equally prone to trying alcohol, that authoritative parenting certainly seems protective against very risky drinking behaviors, like binge drinking.

Lead researcher Stephen Bahr advises, “Parents need to realise you need to have both accountability and support in your relationship with adolescents. Make sure that it’s not just about controlling their behaviour – you need to combine knowing how they spend their time away from home with a warm, loving relationship.”

The full research results can be examined in the Journal of Studies on Alcohol and Drugs.

Taken from Choosehelp.com

I found this blog post from Brad M. Griffin this morning and thought it worth sharing.  Please enjoy!

Have millennials been misunderstood?

A recent report from The Futures Company wonders aloud whether we’ve misread this generation. Whereas generational speculation has given a positive spin to this up-beat, do-good cohort, as millennials transition to adulthood questions are popping up about the tendencies of this age group when taken as a whole (which is, of course, unfair in and of itself). According to the report, “Millennials are demonstrating more insular,

self-protective and scrappy attitudes than previously assumed.” Here’s some of their argument for making this statement:

They believe “the system” is letting them down (Occupy movement, anyone?)
They are increasingly cynical about “making a difference” in the world.
Personal success is the priority. And they’re willing to bend the rules for self-benefit.
Now, this report in particular is based on opinion polling, so don’t take it (or any other research) without liberal grains of salt. But it does raise good questions.

How often to we lean into group or age cohort stereotypes and make assumptions before they’re proven?
How much do we write off 22-year-olds or 72-year-olds based on what we think they must be thinking, feeling, or doing related to whatever we are concerned about?
While we’re generalizing, though, what difference actually exists between the beliefs and attitudes of 20-somethings listed above and their 30-40-something counterparts? Rampant individualism is the bread and butter of our cultural feast. Did we expect something different from this generation if that’s all we’ve been feeding them?
And finally, how does any or all of this impact the ways we shape our ministries for the coming year? Should it?

10 Tips to Active Listening

Posted By: Youth Specialties on November 09 2011

1.  Be committed.
Don’t walk away before there’s a natural conclusion to the conversation.

2.  Don’t be a problem solver.
Even if you have the perfect solution that can end the conversation quickly, wait.  And then some more.

3.  Pay attention to your non-verbal language.
How are you standing/sitting?  Do you have a glazed look on your face?

4. Keep listening!
Avoid the temptation to daydream or to prepare a mental “To Do” list while listening.

5.  Listen with love.
Have a positive attitude during the conversation.  This is not an interruption in your day but an opportunity to reflect God’s love during His day.

6.  Clarify what is being said.
Don’t pretend to know what the speaker is talking about if you don’t.  Don’t be afraid to ask speaker to repeat something that you didn’t hear or to clarify when needed.

7.  Repeat what was said.
Show you’re listening by reiterating what you heard the person say and how she feels

8.  Prove you’re listening.
When appropriate, nod, smile, congratulate, comment, etc.

9.  Wait your turn.
Don’t compose what you’re going to say while someone else is speaking.  Stay focused on what is being said – you’ll have time to get your thoughts together.

10. Look at the person!
Nothing is as insulting as having a conversation with someone who looks everywhere and at everyone but at you.